This prosperous, North Norfolk village is centred around a handful of smart-looking, old-skool greens that themselves are surrounded by, what appears to be to Bob's untrained eye, 'high-end' shopping.
Several options here to get your gentleman, or your lady, outfitted but £85 for a checky shirt? Where's the Edinburgh Woolie Mill™ when you want one? You can get three for £15 in there on a good day.
When you finally find some parking alongside the 4x4s, it's realised that everybody is looking just a little bit, well, just a little bit too pleased with themselves.
They're a little short on evening eateries, though, and the Hoste Arms hotel is full of weekend wedding-goers. It's poshed-up pub grub at the Nelson Inn where you'll still need a reservation for some scampi and chips.
The popular Hoste Arms hotel, bar and restaurant in the centre of the village gets rammed at weekends so, if you're lucky, they'll stick you in a house with an old railway carriage next to it that's just a 10-minute walk away.
If not, you might have to make separate arrangements since it's no longer part of the Hoste's operation.
Old-skool, fried-food takeaway that's attached to a petrol station and your last option for sustenance when the Hoste and the Nelson Inn send you packing.
It's right next to the Railway Hotel but you didn't know that at the time so the walk into the centre and back was a right waste of everybody's time.
The tables outside the Tuscan Farm Shop are also whipped indoors before sundown and yes, you did just hear ' Tuscan Farm Shop'. That last little tidbit should confirm why this place has come to be known as 'Chelsea-on-Sea'. Righty, let's nail this...
1) It's not on the sea, the sea's over a mile away.
2) If it was on the sea, and it's not, see 1), the naming convention around here is 'Next-the-Sea' as in 'Are you going to Wells-next-the-Sea?' Presumably to be next to the sea?
3) That would make it 'Chelsea-next-the-Sea', which just sounds rubbish.
4) You could shorten it to 'Chels-next-the-Sea' but then it sounds too much like 'Wells-next-the-Sea.'
5) Just call it Burnham Market man!
To be fair to them, the farm concerned is in Tuscany and they ship the produce here themselves. In summer, you can enjoy the salami and the Sangiovese at a table outside.