All about the golf is Gullane, not that SlyBob know much about foursomes. We don't mean that kind of swinging but the denial suggests otherwise? Deary me, all that's being said is that we know nothing of that, golf or Game of Thrones for that matter, so stop asking if we've seen it.

It's a long drive and a fair way in along Main Street, which looks to be largely residential. These businesses are servicing the needs of the locals over any tourists unless you want them to make the cut at the hairdressers.

There are at least two activity parks in the area although they're back down near Dunbar and while dad's on the links, of course, that's where mum and the kids will be? It's either that or Gullane's beach, which can be an attraction in summer at least for the three days that qualify round here.

Careful now with the seagulls that this place definitely isn't named after, they might swoop down to nick a chip and run off with it.

All of this is within driving range of North Berwick whose last-minute hotel didn't do breakfast so something suitable is hoped for here. By something suitable, how about... a Viennese-style coffee house? Obviously!

Falko Burkert is a Stuttgart born and qualified Konditormeister or a master pastry chef if you'd rather. A bit more of his backstory should be given but the German-looking gentleman simply looked to be too busy.

He opened up in his adopted city in the noughties to satisfy the demands of Edinburgh's German community although that sounds a bit Nietzsche. He's here as well now banging out the brioche, pretzels, an array of unpronounceable, home-made cakes and Full Scottish fry ups although no fresh Orangensaft today.

The Full Scottish, of course, where the pudding's not black but strictly fruity but not fancying any of those? Don't worry, there is an additional option for that wurst-case scenario

At least there was until he made a short hop south over the A1 to Haddington where you'll now have to head for the Himbeersahnetorteit. Still worthy of a mention, perhaps, so you now know who and where Falko is should you be passing.

You'll likely have driven in on the 'Golf Coast Road' or the A198 if you'd rather. That's East Lothian Council's attempt to advertise this area as a golfing destination, like it needs it.

Twenty-two 'top-class' courses in this tract north of the A1 and four alone in Gullane suggest the secret's already out? The village green even gradually becomes Gullane Golf Club's children's course where an ankle biter's slice sounds like something Falko might have on the menu, if he hadn't closed.

Muirfield is just on the outskirts of town and this internationally known, championship-hosting club went all 20th century in the early 21st century. Why's that? They only went and let the little ladies in as members.

The original vote was 60:40 against but this prompted UK golf's governing body, the Royal and Ancient, to take their balls away and no longer allow Muirfield to host the British Open every 10 years or so.

Bad for business, they began again with the ballot box only this time, the balls were restored. Strange that, even though 20% still opposed the proposal.

That might go some way to explaining the attitude of one of the members of Gullane Golf Club... 'Alright pal, just turning around here because your town looks to have more to offer but it's just ran out. Yes, it can be seen you can't get out down the bottom there so that's why Bob's reversing.'

Hole in one? Nearly, this one's windscreen with a nine-iron! You can get your own back, though, by not allowing them to cross the main road to one of their three championship courses that they advertise on your way out.

You might have noticed that a few of these bogey photos have been borrowed from elsewhere. There's no point trying to give a fluffy lie, just like Falko, the camera was just all out of juice.