Rye is a perfectly preserved, medieval hilltop-town, it says here, and it's being thought yeah, right! That normally means a fenced-off piece of castle and a Costa™s in the old gaolhouse.

Heading up the not too steep a lug, however, and it looks like here's a perfectly preserved, medieval hilltop-town alright!

The second thing noticed is that they're a pun-heavy bunch. 'Catcher in Rye' for your fish and chips, of course, ' Pocket Full of Rye' for all your knick-knacks, obviously, but 'The Devil in Rye'?

Fancy, Indian dining, apparently, but isn't 'The Jalf-Rye-zi' much better?

There used to be four portals to the old town but only the Landgate has lasted this long. Edward III and 1329 are the key stats and it still lets delivery drivers and lost holidaymakers through.

That means watching your Green Cross Codes as you gently ascend for there's more history to be had up the Rye-se.

Of course there's a castle but don't ask for directions to Rye Castle, they'll laugh in your face. It's known locally as Ypres Tower but don't ask for directions to 'Ee-prez' Tower, they'll laugh in your face, again.

During World War I, the Belgian town and the battle heard the adopted pronunciation of 'Wipers' so you can now ask for directions like a local.

The problem with that, however, is if you were local, Rye isn't all that big and you wouldn't really need to ask for directions.

The tower dates from the same time as the gate, possibly earlier, and doesn't have a Costa™s in the old gaolhouse. But why the need to defend what's largely inaccessible marshland?

It wasn't always so, this was all once sea, you see, until it retreated and took the harbour with it.

The entrance fee to the castle has been passed over, thanks, since there's something even older and higher behind.

St. Mary's Church dates from nearly 200 years before the castle although the clock is more 1561 or shouldn't that be just after 4 o'clock?

It's the oldest, working, turret clock in the UK, they claim, and although the stained glass is more recent, the pendulum can be seen swinging in front of it, in the chancel, or is it one of the Rye-sles?

Rye has links to the ancient Cinque Ports, a proto-protection racket, really, hence the significance of their church. Not that it stopped the French ransacking in 1377, which meant they had to get the tombolas out for a new roof and a new set of bells.

All of these facts are fine but the most important one, perhaps, is that they'll let you up and inside for a few pounds.

As for the 'Cinque' Ports and much like your 'Wipers', it's pronounced 'Sink' and not 'Sank'.

Something similar to the church's staircase was once set off up in Lucca but a combination of the crowds and the wobblies soon saw to that ascent. The wobblies? Yes, that'll be the old vertigo.

A sequence of makeshift stairways here will see you up but you might want to check your timepiece.

You don't want to be next to these bad boys when they go off. Bong!

The 'Cathedral of East Sussex' can be seen from miles around and you can return the compliment from the roof. Not unexpectedly, excellent views for miles around over the town and down towards, what's now, Rye Harbour.

It all makes for some nice Rye candy and, of course, they've not overlooked that opportunity on the high street.

It's all a mesmerising mooch, much more so than most places, and there's a temptation to simply list the architectural and historical highlights. There are plenty of other resources available elsewhere, those ones compiled with considerable more care and accuracy, but let's give it a go anyway...

There's a 14th-century plank, once part of a prison door and now put to work to prevent access to a back garden.

The old Grammar School dates from 1636 but CDs and vinyl are the only musical 'spinets' in what's now a record store.

Henry James, one of literature's greats, some say, lived in Lamb House, a striking Georgian mansion. The acclaimed author penned some of his best work here including The Rye-verberator, The Outc-Rye and The Eu-Rye-peans.

Admittedly, that's not SlyBob's best work but the shops have already pinched the best puns.

Down on the flat, things are slightly more serviceable but with the old-fashioned feel still intact.

The Thursday market cuts the available car parking in half but gets the coachloads in and keeps the cafés happy.

Things happened fairly early here railway-wise and it's been bringing other kinds of coachloads in since 1851. Not that many would have alighted here, however, the line served Hastings, Eastbourne and Brighton and Rye simply happened to be in the way.

It's managed to escape the axe several times, including so-called 'Dr'  Beeching and the original station was still lit by gas in the 1970s.

It's just over an hour to London on a good run but unlike everything else in Rye, there's nothing heritage here. That means, just for once, the choo-choos aren't following you around and Hythe will have to be headed to for that.

The high street leads down to the Strand or the quay or the harbour if you'd rather.

This was all once on a bay but a succession of storms in the 13th century changed the course of the River Rother and it's been filling up with shingle ever since.

It's nearly two miles to the shoreline now and it's thought this is roughly where the harbour would have been. The only things being unloaded these days, though, are coffee, antiques and the planks of tarred weatherboard that are typical in these parts.

This largely modernised stretch adds a different dimension to town and if you're in the area makes Rye-more reason to visit East Sussex.

That just about exhausts all possible puns but the 1066 Country Tourist Board can still have that one for free.