England-Berkshire Flag

Windsor and Eton >  Google™ Map Mar 2018  Berkshire Coat of Arms

windels winch + ōra shore, hill-slope + ēa river + tūn Old English farmstead, settlement. Population - 34,461.

England-Berkshire Flag UK > England > Berkshire

Mar 2018

Berkshire Coat of Arms

There's two for the price of one today although that's more likely to be one for the price of two in wealthy-looking Windsor. Nothing yet's been eaten so first it's off to Eton, all the tables south of the river are taken, you see.

The crowds are taking advantage of a favourable, post-Brexit exchange rate, probably, and there's also the small matter of a big wedding here in seven-or-so weeks.

Windsor Castle

It's just hoped the historic coupling of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle means they're very Happy Together in their pokey, new pad in Kensington Palace.

Strange Town, Windsor, since despite it being ostensibly opulent, things are familiar and functional on the way up to the bridge.

Windsor - River Street
Windsor - River Thames

That's the River Thames, of course, snaking its way 20 miles west where it picks up pace In The City of London.

There's nothing so shabby over in Eton, though, where it's all gentlemen's outfitters and nowhere to eat, neither.

Eton - High Street

It shouldn't need to be spelt out by now that Eton Guns has missed a trick, eh? Not so, it seems, there's nothing live in here and  Eton Air Pistols isn't nearly as sinister as first suspected.

Eton - High Street
Eton - High Street

No, this isn't an introduction to the industry, it's a Christian-heavy-run Junior school for four-to-nine year-olds. Unlike the big school just up the road, which caters for older pupils, this one is state run and is somewhere you'd attend When You're Younger.

  The Christopher Hotel (High Street)

Just the one hotel in Eton and likely to be providing lodgings for the parents of those whose accommodation is on a less temporary basis up the road.

Eton - The Christopher Hotel

Nobody's sure about the name but it might be Christopher Wren who finished off Windsor's Guildhall but more on that in a minute. A former coaching inn that goes back to 1711, it doesn't look too dated and there's All Mod Cons in the bedrooms now, probably.

It's less than half a mile to Eton College's campus where, not unsurprisingly, you're not allowed in most of it. Classic, 15th-century Gothic on the chapel, you're sure to agree, but it's only half the intended length as those plans had to be abandoned.

Near Eton College Chapel
Eton College Chapel

Henry VI[1] was having a turbulent time, you see, what with wars of the Hundred Years and Roses varieties before he got Beat, Surrendering his crown in 1461 after the battle of Towton.

[1] He had quite some life, old Henry, which would make for a great play although there's an awful lot to cram in. Maybe three should do it?

This is all surrounded by Pretty, Green countryside and the school even has its own golf course!

Eton College - The Playing Fields

The famous, playing fields of Eton are responsible for forging the characters of nineteen[1] prime ministers, no less, although SlyBob are Absolute Beginners at this ruggers and much prefer the balls to be round.

[1] Who knows how many now following the shambles of late 2022?

Windsor is the 'Oldest and Largest Occupied Castle in the World', they say, although this isn't it. Getting Away From The Numbers in Windsor, a decision has been made to decamp to LEGOLAND™ a couple of miles south-west of town.


It caters for kiddies up to 11 and there's not much change from £200 for a family of four if you pay at the gate. For that, they've laid on some rides that look to be largely closed although this is admittedly slightly out of season and that downpour[1] earlier won't have helped.

Come summer, however, and on Saturday's, Kids will be going considerably more crackers here, probably.

[1] £3.50 for a flimsy, yellow poncho from a vending machine? Really?

SlyBob's here, since you ask, because being over this way anyway and, well, who doesn't love a model village even if the one in Corfe Castle was inexcusably overlooked. This one is called MINIWORLD™ and 42 million bricks have been used to replicate iconic landmarks from, erm, All Around The World.

New York, London, Paris, Munich, everybody talk about block-glue-stick or rather the clever clipping together of ones you can't buy in the shops.


Throw in Belfast and all of this makes the diversion just about worth the £6 a pop[1].


[1] Some strategic planning was required involving a Sunday newspaper and some possibly fake details.

The old Wem-ber-lee Stadium even makes an appearance and as no stranger to soccerball, Bob is reminded of the afternoon of Sunday 20th October 1996.


Newcastle United 5 Manchester United 0 was back when the mighty Magpies used to nearly win things and facing them that day was a young Mr Beckham.

With the home side cruising, he was cruelly taunted with chants of... 'David, David, Watts the score? David, what's the score?'

Meanwhile, back in Windsor, highlights on the high street include the 1680s-built Guildhall and the pedestrianised area behind where a Man in the Corner Shop can sort you out with a royal knick-knack and suchlike.

Windsor - Guildhall
Windsor - Market Cross House

Shopping is one of the main attractions, they say, where there's no need to even leave the train station.

Windsor Royal Shopping Centre

The Windsor Royal Shopping Centre runs right into it, you see, and that's where's being headed to now having shunned being part of the Car nation today.

  Royal Windsor Information Centre (Windsor Royal Shopping)

There's a tourist information in and around the station but their knowledge of how to get to LEGOLAND™ doesn't extend to the local buses. They suggest to take a taxi but admit that might be difficult what with Windsor being so busy.

Hang on a second, here's Prince William who's here to pick up the rings, probably, and he must have some clout around here? Hey Billy! Hunt us down a taxi will ya!

Just to be clear, a train is being headed for since a fig couldn't be given about the shopping. Central London needs getting back to and that means a shuttle to Slough then a change for the service into Paddington that will probably be the slow one that even stops at Iver, wherever that is.

Windsor and Eton Central

It was noticed on the way out that there are major engineering works on the eastbound Hammersmith and City and Circle lines so that might mean the Bakerloo to Baker Street for the Jubilee down to Green Park then the Piccadilly back up to King's Cross.

Blimey, at this rate, SlyBob'll still be Down in the Tube Station at Midnight.

  Windsor Great Park

Largely free, since you ask, although you'll pay for the Savill Garden when in season and you all remember him from Dartmouth, eh? Other highlights include the Long Walk, a two-and-a-half mile stroll from the castle to a brassy George III, not shown.

  The King and Castle (Thames Street) wetherspoon

The Spoons have a tradition of naming their pubs based on the history of the town or the old building they invariably inhabit. The inevitable offering in a town of this size is called the King and Castle because, well, there's a pretty well-known castle and it's now sometimes got a king in it.

There are no awards for their nearly-out-of-date ale and none for the Director of Contrived Waterhole Naming, neither, who was clearly on holiday or couldn't be bothered to get out of bed that day. Whoever deputised on the decision is getting an immediate (0/5) for a lack of imagination and they might as well have stayed in bed themselves that morning.

That's not quite the full story, the king in question is Eddie VII, whose bust sits somewhere above an entrance from a time when this wasn't even a pub! That's only been the case since 1967 but what about the Windlesora, you not unreasonably ask?

That closed for reasons unknown in 2022 and would have gotten a full (5/5) for the name of the original Saxon settlement where they once would have winched something, or something.

What's What
 The Christopher Hotel - Eton
 Royal Windsor Information Centre
Where's Where
 Iver    LEGOLAND