Bang at the bottom of Loch Lomond, 20 minutes to the Trossachs and half an hour to the Highlands, proper, Balloch should be a booming base but people tend not to linger.

If you're not here for the boating, Balloch's missing a heart and doesn't entice you to pull over, park up and part with some pounds.

Beyond the old-skool B&Bs, the tills aren't really ringing and the only change seen over the years is this mini-parade of shops and 'apartments' that used to be a petrol station and they're still sat empty after all these years.

That's now an inconvenience as you head up into the largely hydrocarbon-free Highlands with just a quarter-full tank having forgotten to fill up in Alexandria.

Big changes, though, are planned on the west bank of the River Leven by the people who run Flamingo Land™, no less.

Flamingo Land? A North Yorkshire theme park with tigers and giraffes in it. Their plans here are a different kind of lofty, namely lodges, a boutique hotel and 'glamping pods'.

Family oriented, the grass will be free from wild animals and if you've ever been here on a sunny Bank Holiday, in what is essentially Glasgow overspill, you'll know exactly what that means.

All of this will provide a proper link between Balloch and Loch Lomond Shores that, at less than a mile away, claims to be 'Scotland’s most spectacular visitor destination.'

Unlike the road signs from the A82, that's a little misleading because this relatively recent development is mainly shopping with not that many options for a sandwich.

They used to let you up Drumkinnon Tower for a free, bird's eye view up the loch but it's a fishy Sea Life™ Centre now and at least £10 for the panorama and the pirañas.

That includes their otters so you'll have to settle for a bronze one outside by Bristol-born sculptor Laurence Broderick.

Despite opening in 2002, it has taken nearly 20 years for the To Let signs to relent and the Shores is only now just about filling their vast car park. This after you-know-what, which wouldn't have helped, but also due, no doubt, to someone suggesting some changes of their own.

The addition of a Bird of Prey Centre, a new 'thrilling aerial adventure course' through the tree tops and some crazy golf, obviously.

The Gateway Visitor Centre used to be just that and although a little too child-friendly, they had a café and inside was informative and interactive.

Now it's just inactive and talk of transformation to a restaurant with spa facilities, obviously, was as silly as it sounds.

Looking forward to seeing the Maid of the Loch sailing again, though. This constructed-on-The Clyde paddle steamer was purpose built for Balloch and peep-peeped up and doon the loch until 1981.

It's currently stationary with just a café and some model boats in it and there's no definite date for a relaunch, just yet. With just the £1.7M required to restore, hopes are high to be up and chugging again in the 2020s.

Meanwhile, back in Balloch, head east on the bridge over the Leven to confirm that there's like a big loch or something nearby and boating's a thing? Then turn left at the Balloch House pub to enter Balloch Castle & Country Park.

Things are fairly unchanged on the east bank of the river that flows out of the loch and down to the Clyde.

This is heading up to the loch as will all of these craft at some point during the summer. When it's said 'all', there looks to be at least one that won't be and at least one mallard that's grateful for that.

Further into the park, there's access to Loch Lomond where the banks are indeed of the doubly bonnie variety.

This is just about looking north here and the hills are essentially the start of the Scottish Highlands. Those in the distance are the Arrochar Alps, named after the village nearby and their resemblance to the proper ones.

Up in the Alps, you'll find Ben Arthur that's not quite a Munro but more than qualifies as a Corbett.

Commonly known as the Cobbler because, if you squint, there he is all hook-nosed and crouched over his shoe anvil. No? SlyBob's not really seeing it, neither.

Munros, by the way, are Scottish mountains higher than 3000 foot and Corbetts are between 2500 and 3000. Let's not even get started on the Grahams and Donalds and speaking of Corbetts, 'A cement mixer collided with a prison van near Arrochar. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.'

Meanwhile, back in Balloch Country Park and behind you, there's a castle that belonged to and was built by the Buchanans and yes, that's the same Buchanans responsible for Ross Priory near nearby Gartocharn.

Successful hat manufacturers in Dumbarton, they made a fortune from the fedoras and in the early 19th century decided to demolish and build on the site of a 13th-century version.

Its last meaningful use was as a visitor centre but that was back in the early noughties and it's been designated derelict since then.

No official plans, they say, the contractors are just there to keep you, the winds of change and the water out for now.

What with the rhododendrons firmly established and work on a new woodland sculpture, though, the smart money's on weekend weddings and a midweek conference centre or both?

See also any old UK castle that's not too hard to get to.

The road down from the castle brings you past a walled garden, not shown, and out at Balloch's transport hub where you can get to Glasgow via Dumbarton by bus.

Despite being just 16 miles by flying crow, that ride will take you one-and-a-half hours and although they're fairly frequent, the ones to Luss are less so.

The train will take you half the time and to catch those, head back along Balloch Road where you might be tempted by the fleshpots and\or the fish and chips. It's said 'half the time' for the train unless it's a Sunday when, just like Balloch, it looks like you're changing.

The new Flamingo Land will be set back a bit but along Balloch Road, two new public squares are proposed.

That might entice people to pull over, park up, part with some pounds and even stay, which is, after all, the intention of this collaborative project between Loch Lomond & The Trossachs National Park Authority, Scottish Enterprise, West Dunbartonshire Council and the local community, of course.

Experience should tell you that when words like 'charrette' are bandied about, none of this will be happening anytime soon so, in the meantime, you'll likely bypass Balloch completely and a game of crazy golf at Loch Lomond Shores it is, then.