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Bicester Village >  Google™ Map Nov 2017  Oxfordshire Coat of Arms

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Nov 2017

Discover a world of luxury at Bicester Village. Home to more than 160 fashion and lifestyle boutiques, each offers savings of up to 60%, all year round, they say.

Oxfordshire Coat of Arms

Two return tickets to 'Buy-Sester' please...
Erm, 'Biss-Ester?'...
It's all right,
Bob's got this... 'Bitch-Ester?'

Well, that's saved you a few bob because the driver's just kicked you off his bus. Three strikes and you're out in this part of Oxfordshire.

It's pronounced 'Bister' as in rhymes with sister who's been kicked off the bus with you since she didn't know that, neither.

The Saturday traffic through Bicester, itself, is trailed back to the M40 so Bicester Village will have to do, an idyllic example of rural England in what's just about the Cotswolds[1], eh?

Bicester Village - Entrance

Hardly. Here's an outlet shopping centre with savings of up to 60%, all year round, they say.

[1] Everyone's heard of it but no one really knows where it is, really.

It's a posher version of Dalton Park and by posher it's meant Gucci™ and Prada™ posher.

There's not much chance of a cheap pair of end-of-season chinos from M&S™ or an Edinburgh Woolie Mill™ with a reduced range in checky shirts here.

Bicester Village - Parking

Still, at least the parking's free and there's plenty of it.

These high-end brands are an attraction for new money from the east and no, it's not meant Milton Keynes.

Bicester Village - Ralph Lauren

Here is second only to Buck Pal in terms of numbers of visitors to the UK from China, you see, and three-quarters of them will follow the signs in Mandarin from Marylebone to get here.

That's a far safer bet than that bus driver who would only have to kick them off, definitely.

Cupcakes are of the 'handcrafted' variety, obviously, the information assistants all wear formal livery and there are bouncers at the bigger brands to keep the queues under control.

Bicester Village
Bicester Village - Prada

The devil definitely does wear Prada™ and he's doing it right here in this version of hell.

The only thing that caught SlyBob's eye was what was thought to be an off-licence but turned out to be a very different kind of Stella™ altogether.

Bicester Village - Stella McCartney
Bicester Village - Vivienne Westwood

There's even a multi-faith contemplation room that's not just there for you to ponder how much for that Vivienne Westwood, RIP, dress but why you're wasting half a weekend?

An indicator, perhaps, of the type of clientele that's attracted to here. I mean, just what kind of person parks their McLaren 570S[1], badly, in a disabled parking bay?

Bicester Village - McLaren 570S

The kind that needs to join you in the contemplation room and think long and hard about their behaviour. They've let Bicester down, they've let themselves down and just like Vivienne Westwood, they've let McLaren down.

[1] That Google™ Images search feature really is rather clever don't you think?

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